06 Nov 21 Manly Drinks
There are two things no self-respecting man should ever get caught holding: veggie burgers and Appletinis.
That said, let’s put an end to the extra-surgary, extra sweet, garnished, flowery-smelling, fruity-tasting, and paper-umbrella-decorated girly drinks unless you’re on the set of Sex and the City. For one, the majority of them taste like diabetes and the others can hardly be called an alcoholic drink.
Next time a lady asks you to try a sip of her Cosmopolitan, Sex on the Beach, or Fuzzy Navel, kindly tell her that you don’t drink from that side of the color wheel and instead order yourself one of these time-tested manly drinks:
I’m one for a very simple vodka martini with only two ingredients: vodka (usually Tito’s or Kettle One) and ice – shaken and throw out the ice. The martini, or James Bond’s favorite drink is essentially a glass of gin or vodka with varying amount of vermouth (fortified wine for hard drinking men) and various garnishes. Ordering a martini sometimes requires learning an ancient codified language: “I’d like a dirty martini, wet, stirred, and on the rocks” – this translates to a gin martini (by default) with vermouth, stirred in ice with the ice left in the glass, and with olive juice and olives for garnish. If you don’t like gin order a vodka martini. If you don’t like vermouth, order it extra dry. If you want it shaken in ice instead of just stirred with a straw, ask for it shaken. If you want it without ice in its final form, ask for it straight up. If you don’t like olives, definitely don’t order it dirty. In the end, you’re going to get a very strong cup of liquor.
2. Rum & Coke
Rum and coke is a tried and tested favorite among many people that enjoy the taste of Coca Cola or Pepsi. Rum pairs well with coke make a spicier tasting drink that’ll pack a punch. One of the most popular drinks at any bar, Captain and coke reigns supreme among those merely looking through doorway to manly drinks but haven’t fully stepped in to the other side just yet.
3. Jack & Coke
Jack Daniels and coke, is what I find the stronger-tasting whiskey variation of the rum and coke for those that prefer whisky to rum. Another popular option is Southern Comfort and coke or Jim Beam and coke. You don’t want to mix the more expensive, better tasting whiskeys because you’re just wasting good tasting whiskey with soda pop. Save the other stuff to drink by itself.
Whiskey on the rocks or whiskey neat. Straight alcohol right to the gullet. If you’re looking for a drink to really put hair on your chest, drink whiskey straight and you’ll understand what it means to be a man. Not much more to be said about the flagship drink of manliness other than that it’s king of the manly drinks.
After those more basic drinks, let’s get into some of the more interesting ones. The boilermaker, is one of those manly drinks in the “bomb shot” or “depth charge” category of drinks. Fill up a pint of beer 2/3 or 3/4 of the way up, drop a shot glass of whiskey into the pint glass and proceed to chug the entire concoction without spilling a drop. Alternatively, it can also be ordered as a “beer and a shot of whiskey” in which the beer is a chaser to the whiskey, but why waste anyone’s time with two drinks instead of one?
6. Irish Car Bomb
Another famous bomb shot. Never order this in Ireland or an Irish bar unless you’d prefer to drink it without teeth. Drop a shot consisting of one half Irish cream, like Bailey’s, and one half Irish whiskey, like Jameson, into a dry Irish stout, such as Guinness. Not for the faint of heart who are afraid of a little curdling.
7. Flaming Dr. Pepper
Skipping right over the disgusting college-boy Jägerbomb and moving onto a bomb shot that involves fire and the possibility of singeing your whiskers. The Flaming Dr. Pepper consists of of shot of 3 parts Amaretto and 1 part Bacardi 151 (or another high proof liquor like Everclear) which is then dropped into into a 3/4 pint of beer. Before dropping the shot, however, the rum floating on top is lit on fire then carefully plunked into the pint glass. Like the other two depth charges, it requires a quick chug.
The absolutely brilliant Russian tradition of mixing vodka with beer. Vodka is neutral spirit so while it will greatly increase the alcohol content of a mild beer, it will not greatly alter its flavor. Keep it around 10 parts beer to one part vodka and change the ratio from there, according to flavor and willingness to transform into Rasputin by the end of the night. Твоё здоровье!
9. Gin & Tonic
A classic standard. Admittedly not the manliest drink on this list, but I wouldn’t call it feminine either. Sort of a boring flavor for my tastes but many worthy men swear by it as a simply drink to get simply drunk. Served on the rocks. It’s crisp, clear, and packs a punch.
10. Tom Collins
It’s a drink named after some mysterious bloke nobody really knows. Gin on the rocks with lemon juice, a bit of sugar and soda water. Great for a hot summer day. Probably one of the smoothest and sweetest drinks on this list because of its ingredients but like the gin and tonic, it’ll put some bass in your voice. Plus, its taste will even pique the interest of that gal sitting next to you at the bar who is now having second thoughts about ordering a lemon drop shot.
11. Black & Tan
Another drink you shouldn’t ever order from an Irishman because of the history behind its infamous name. It’s a badass drink for those who like to pair Guinness with other drinks, especially a pale ale like Bass. It looks daunting but tastes smooth as the Guinness floats on top of your other beer of choice and allows you to taste both as you tilt the pint toward your gullet. The best part is, there are about as many variations of this drink as there are beers in the world.
12. Classic Manhattan
A Prohibition era drink out of New York that combines 2 oz of rye whiskey and ½ oz of vermouth with bitters and a maraschino cherry for a garnish. Now, normally I’m not one for garnishes, but this drink being one of the manliest drinks on the list, can handle a cherry. Give the cherry to your new lady friend, she deserves it. This is one of the oldest cocktails known to man and stands the test of time for sure.
13. Old Fashioned
While we’re talking about old drinks that our grandfathers sipped before cutting a rug with our grandmothers, we might as well mention the Old Fashioned. This drink consists of 2 oz of Bourbon or rye whiskey poured over a glass containing a sugar cube, a splash of water, and some bitters. If you want to get fancy with a garnish, a maraschino cherry or an orange slice will do just fine. Maybe an ice cube or two. Only a real man like Don Draper can swig one or two of these down at 1 in the afternoon and not be passed out in his office during a marketing meeting by 2 PM.
The wiseguy’s drink. Most likely has an association with Marlon Brando, in which case, it should be considered extremely badass as one of the manliest drinks on this list of drink that’ll put hair on your chest. 1 ½ oz of Scotch whisky or Bourbon and ¾ oz of Amaretto is a drink you can’t refuse.
15. Rusty Nail
A drink that’s as tough as old boots. 1 ½ oz Scotch whisky and ¾ oz Drambuie poured over some ice. According to some legends, the Scots used to stir this drink around their glasses with a rusty nail. Tetanus is as good a garnish as any other. If this drink isn’t manly, then I’m gonna wax off my beard and schedule a pedicure.
An old drink invented during WWI, the Great War. This drink, although manly, will appeal to the ladies just like Tom Collins. In a shaker, 1.5 oz Cognac or Bourbon is mixed with ¾ oz Cointreau, ¼ oz lemon juice, and ice. If you wear knickers, add sugar to the rim. Otherwise skip it unless you’re buying one for you gal. Supposedly, the sidecar was named after soldiers had to be transported in a motorcycle’s sidecar after having a few too many during their R&R. It’s a sweet drink that’ll lift you out of that foxhole of a week you’ve had.
A drink from the 50’s and 60’s that all the idols of that era slugged down, including James Bond, Cary Grant, and Frank Sinatra. 2 oz of Brandy and ¾ oz white crème de menthe liqueur is all it takes to create the perfect Stinger. As Old Blue Eyes would say, it’s just another reason for making whoopee.
18. Whiskey Smash
If you’ve come this far down the list, you’ll notice a common trend: whiskey is a man’s drink. On this list of many drinks that involve whiskey, I couldn’t pass over the Whiskey Smash. It’s essentially a Mojito for men. 2 oz of Bourbon stirred with a bit of sugar, a splash of water, and 2 sprigs of mint. It certainly packs a refreshing punch of a taste.
19. Rob Roy
This Scottish drink was named after Robert Roy McGregor, a badass in his own right who is known as the Scottish Robin Hood. Similar to the Manhattan, the Rob Roy consists of 1 ½ oz Scotch whisky, ¾ oz sweet vermouth, and a dash of bitters. While normally served with sweet vermouth, it can also be served dry with dry vermouth. A maraschino cherry for garnish is also acceptable with this manly drink.
Named for Count Cammillo Negroni in the 1920’s, this drink is meant to be consumed before a hefty meal to stimulate the appetite. Mix 1 ½ oz sweet vermouth, 1 ½ oz Campari, and 1 ½ oz gin with an orange slice or twist for optional garnish. One of the manliest aperitifs out there besides Ţuică, but that Romanian drink ranks as the unbeatable king of manly drinks in my book.
This Romanian spirit, sometimes named tuica or palinka, is the traditional Romanian moonshine prepared from plums that boasts 28–60% alcohol by volume (usually 40–45%). It’s often made, bottled, and consumed privately. When it is distilled twice, it contains 55–60% alcohol by volume. As an aperitifs, it is customary to be served to guests as shots before a meal to boost the appetite. However, no customs can stop you from boiling your gullet with more shots afterward.